In 2006, I became very ill, for no apparent reason. My only emotion seemed to be fear. I never thought I was dying – I was just so afraid that I would never feel better. Especially since my various doctors kept prescribing anxiety drugs that made things worse. Going to the emergency room several times and spending a week in the hospital was not fun! It’s truly remarkable, to me and everyone else who was around during that time, that I was able to make a living. I think my  brother wondered if he would outlive me, and he was facing kidney failure.

I probably prayed more than I ever had in my entire life. I did not cry or complain, but I woke up every morning, scared, with my heart racing at unhealthy levels. During that time, I could not find much positive about my life and became a worrier (which I had never been before.) I was concerned that I would never laugh or experience joy again. I was just trying to survive, one hour and one day at a time. I knew that lots of people were praying for me.

At some point, I began to feel angry – mostly toward my doctors. The anxiety medicine side effects were so destructive
that I believed I would rather stay anxious if that was the issue.

I decided to put my brain to work and attempt to figure out things on my own (with some help from the internet). One of the first things I did was, when I was feeling the most scared, to focus on positive memories and gratefulness for the life I had already had. I also began to pray for other people.

Between my internet research, which led me to my current doctor, and my positive focus and compassion for others, I
could feel my heart rate go down.

One night, literally in the middle of the night, I grabbed my laptop to buy the domain name wakeupgrateful.com if it was available. It was. I purchased it, but never did anything with it until now.

My current doctor diagnosed me with Lyme disease in December, 2008. He told me that many doctors diagnose fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome (or numerous other “catch-all” conditions), but don’t look for Lyme. Once he treated the real issue, I began to improve. I am not 100%, but he tells me that is probably not ever going to be possible.

However, I laugh a lot now and genuinely feel deep joy. At times, I feel so overwhelmed with gratitude that I wanted to pass some along.

If you are feeling helpless, don’t give up and don’t be afraid to change doctors.

Send me a private e-mail and I will be happy to provide the name of my doctor if you want to consult with him. I believe that he is still accepting new patients. He is incredible and treats me like I am his only patient.

What doctor does that nowadays?

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